Need to rant

I have built up the biggest grudge against my MIL. About a year ago was the first time my MIL had rubbed me the wrong way. My in-laws live several states away, as do my own parents, due to the military. I planned on a quick visit to see my husbands family with him for a couple days. My family’s vacation plans had to change and ended up being the same week. So I split my time between the two family’s bc I didn’t want to cancel on my in laws. The entire time my MIL kept saying things like “you need to stay with us the whole time, your family always gets to see you.” “I think it’s time you start liking us more than your own family.” Etc. and constantly harping on me that I wasn’t staying as long as I planned to, even thought my husband was staying the whole week still. Ever since then it’s been downhill.

I found out I was pregnant shortly after. My MIL was ALOT during my pregnancy but I kept saying “she means well, she’s just excited.” I had my baby this summer and she is constantly shoving her opinions down my throat. I never planned on breastfeeding much and she knew that. While I was pregnant she wanted to have a call with my mom and I and her, so she could convince me of all the benefits of breastfeeding I needed to consider. We never did that bc I said no. I ended up exclusively pumping and I told her how that was working well for me. She told me how Breastfeeding is so beneficial and I should reconsider because I’m missing out on the bond of baby to nipple. She BF her baby’s for a year each. As soon as we FaceTimed her after my son was born in the hospital her concern was if he was latching good. I had to go back to the hospital a few days after being discharged from delivering my son. She thought I got a fever bc “I wasn’t breastfeeding enough.” We switched to formula a couple months in and I still feel so judged by her for stopping to this day.

She has said things such as…”your Newborn sleeps too much during the day and you don’t stimulate him enough bc he’s always sleeping when I call.” She begged me for pictures and then after i sent them, she told me my baby should be naked and we should all be doing skin to skin throughout the day not having him dressed. Also, I would send pics of him on his back and then she was worried we aren’t doing any tummy time bc she doesn’t get any pictures of him doing that. My husband and I did sleep schedules for the first month since he was off work. She nagged us for doing that too because “a married couple should be sleeping together not this shift crap, that it wasn’t healthy.” And even though my husband had 3 months of leave….she was very concerned that I wouldn’t be able to adjust to him going back to work with us sleeping this way.

My husband and I visited my in laws for 10 days when my son turned 2 months old. My anxiety was through the roof after everything that had already been said through the phone. I felt like she was judging my every move. She thinks she can do no wrong and call the shots with literally everything. And if my baby is crying she is the one who can sooth him. Shes Gods gift to all of us. I explained how often my son ate and how much because my in-laws wanted to be helpful but “I was feeding him too often and he needs to learn to wait.” And “4oz at 2 months old was not enough.” Like what. Her and her husband would try to make him wait 5 hours to eat and then try to give him 6oz in his little tummy. I felt so gaslit, they knew what they were doing since this isn’t their first rodeo and I have it all wrong. I regret not standing my ground so much but they made me feel wrong. I brought up that I thought my son had reflux and to burp him throughout his feeding and again to feed him less, more often because he seemed very upset eating the way they were doing it but I was dismissed bc “there’s nothing wrong with their perfect grand baby”. He’s finnnneeeee. Then to find out he had his 2 months appointment when we got back and he was severely underweight. I felt like I failed my son so much. I felt like he was being starved and it seemed he was:(( my MILs response to him being underweight was that “it’s normal and he will go through phases of not wanting to eat much which is what he must have been in.” She also thought he was teething…and that effects eating too. (He’s almost 5 months and still no teeth lmao)

After that whole week of being put down and feeling like I was a terrible mom and feeling that they thought I was terrible mom. I have so much resentment and barely speak to them anymore. I have seen my own family multiple times and I will be again for Christmas and I know their feelings are hurt that we aren’t spending time with them. It’s all been with my own family. I can’t imagine going back and feeling that way again. Any advice on how to “fix” this or if I should tell her my issues as to why I’m so distant now? I just don’t know what to do anymore. I’m tired of being so upset with her but can’t move on from it either. My husband totally understands where I’m coming from and absolutely validates my feelings but he still doesn’t say anything or do anything about it because “it will just make everything worse” Thank you for taking the time to read this:)