Making deals with God.

This is literally the only community of people I can share or be open about this without coming off as a complete psychopath..

I've had so many moments as a kid, on the bathroom floor, making deals with God to take the pain away, thinking I must have been being punished for something I did wrong.

Maybe I'm insane, but, has anyone else just been at their wits end, just in so much hurt, that you start offering to join the clergy or, just sitting with that question to God, why do I deserve this?..