Lost and confused in marriage.

I never thought Id be posting here, but here I am. Im here because I’m really struggling in my marriage and need some perspective. I’ve (m32) been married to my wife (f28) for two years and been together six, and I’m starting to feel completely trapped and miserable.

My wife and I fight all the time lately. She accuses me of being distant, blames me for her problems, of not caring about her needs, and sometimes it feels like nothing I do is ever enough. For example, if she wants to eat and I don't, she will cry and say she won't eat because if she eats and I don't then “everyone will think I’m fat and wonder why you're with me”. She gets upset that I dont want to work at the same place as her (we both work in the same field) like a “good husband would”. She'll get upset I am not assertive enough, but then if I make decisions I am “forcing her” to do what I want and “its always what you want”. At the same time, she doesn’t seem open to any sort of solution. She refuses to seek help or go to therapy, even when she’s been told by doctors she may have bipolar. She insists she can handle it herself, but it’s hard to live with someone who is constantly thinking I'm either the most wonderful husband on the planet, and without me she'd be alone forever and then the next literally telling me that I am “creepy” or the source of all her problems.

One of the hardest parts is that my wife has become incredibly accusatory. She often says that a "good husband" wouldn't prioritize time with friends over her, and she constantly accuses me of wanting to cheat or leave her if I try to do things for myself. If I try to exercise, eat healthier, or go to the gym, she cries and says it's because I’m trying to become more attractive to someone else. She’s even told me I need to be fat, in her specific words I need to be fat like her. It's exhausting.

We have no friends because she always starts to think they all hate her, and I don’t have anyone to talk to about this. I’ve become so checked out, I drink to cope, and I often find myself fantasizing about a different life. I feel incredibly guilty because sometimes I'll even think about being with someone else and I'll beat myself up because she has accused me for years of wanting to leave and then I realize I am thinking it.

What’s making it even worse is that when I talk to her about my feelings, she becomes defensive. If I try to share that I’m unhappy, she accuses me of blaming her or belittling her emotions. She has even talked about divorce in the past, but quickly takes it back, and I feel like nothing is ever going to change. I’m tired of feeling like I’m the “bad guy” all the time, and I don’t know what to do.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? Is there even hope at salvaging this? I feel like no matter what I do it'll be the wrong choice.

Tl;dr: marriage feels like it's falling apart due to wife's frequent accusations and moodswings.