I have never felt more alone in my life

I don't know what else to title it really, I'm 26 and the past two years have been absolutely awful for me in terms of loneliness. I had a falling out with my group of friends that I had from high school, long story short one of them did something really messed up to someone else, and all my friends proved that they weren't really friends to me.

A few months later, my girlfriend of almost three years leaves me. We talked after a bit obviously, because I had no one else really. A few months ago was the last time we talked, she had been casually ignoring me so I just decided to stop communicating with her.

My job is of course miserable, everyone in the office is way over 30 and I can't relate to anyone. I lost a bunch of money from the apartment I had with my ex, so I had to move back home with my mom for a bit. Now I'm stuck in a basement room, with a mom that's narcissistic and short tempered. She's just mean and puts me down all the time just to make herself feel better. It's always been like this all my life, I don't have a lot of confidence because of it. I never met my father either, he left me when I was born.

I've been going to the gym more, focusing on gaining muscle and becoming a lot bigger. I have focused on dressing better too, buying nicer clothes and shoes. I try to keep busy, I'm always out with my dog that I got shortly after my ex left me. I live in a very scenic area, so I'm out a lot with him.

Even with everything I'm trying to do, it hurts so incredibly much to be this alone. It hurts to see balloons and signs around someones house for a birthday, and seeing all the cars there. It hurts to see a truck filled with a group of friends that just got to the beach. It hurts to walk by a restaurant and see people enjoying a meal together, when you can't remember the last time you ever went to go eat with anyone. Sometimes I can see the joy in people and appreciate it, but most of the time it leaves me feeling bitter, sad, and depressed.

I really don't know what to do anymore. It's just so lonely for me. It sucks I can't talk to anyone, no one. Not family, no friends, no one. Some days are fine, but others are just awful, filled with realizations that you can't ask anyone to do anything, you can't have a nice conversation with someone you know, you can't enjoy even a crappy meal with someone you like.

I have been reading this sub a lot the past few months because it's felt a lot like a home. I remember one night saying "I wonder what's up with the crew", the 'crew' being the group of people that post here. It's made me sad, but happy. I just wanted to finally post something and let out some feelings I've had inside of me