Can’t get over my emotionally abusive and disloyal ex despite being in a happy relationship

First and foremost I will never willingly have contact with my ex again nor will I have the chance to come across him.

He was horrible. A horrible partner and a horrible person who leave a trail of people who hate him in his wake. No joke I am friends with all his exes and ex-friends who have dropped him due to a pattern of being just… awful.

He was my first real love. The electricity, the infatuation, it felt like it would consume me. What I felt during that relationship what was I was searching for my whole life. It wasn’t even bad for the first half - it was “perfect”, he was fun and charming. It was only when he grew bored of me did the terrible shit start, but i don’t think I need to get into that. It was horrible, mentally and emotionally. I would cry myself to sleep and he would ignore me for days.

He broke up with me. I got much, much happier. I became more attractive, smarter, and then now I am dating someone straight out of my dream partner. He is Kind, considerate, patient, and endlessly supportive me of me (unlike my ex, who once ghosted me for 16 hours because he was annoyed at the way I was upset after my abusive dad upset me). I am happy as I can be in this relationship.

But very occasionally I still think of my ex. I’ve had a tendency to self harm and self sabotage and I’m guessing it’s part of it. When things are bad I find myself missing him - I don’t want to get back with him but … I don’t know, I just miss him.

Recently he broke up with his ex, and she reached out to me because she also broke out of his cycle of manipulation and lies. That made me break down crying because I realised he truly was a horrible person. There was nothing I could’ve done to made it work.

What do I do?! I’m just venting to be honest. I feel guilty about it. I love my partner to bits and pieces and if I saw my ex I’d beat the shit out of him for all he’s done… but I miss the idea of him.

Thanks for the vent.