being back home for the holidays is triggering

anyone else can't wait for holidays to be over? i feel bad because my parents show excitement about me coming home when i'm on break from university and they always encourage me to stay as long as possible (usually 2 months twice a year, which is longer than any of my friends who usually only stay for a few weeks) and guilt trip me if i ever suggest to go back early. but i've only been here for a little less than a week and i already want to go back.

being so close to my parents, living under the same roof and seeing them every day is triggering. my mental health has improved since i started university and i think it has to do with the fact that i moved far away to a foreign country and started my life over, away from my dysfunctional family. i think there needs to be a distance between us for me to feel normal and being back here makes me feel like i'm a mentally ill teenager all over again. i also feel on edge 24/7 and like i have no personal space or freedom. it's just suffocating.

but i also struggle with guilt about feeling this way because they haven't done anything horrible to me since coming here, in fact they are welcoming and nice to me. but there is this constant feeling like i have to perform and like i can't be at peace with myself while i'm here and i kept getting flashbacks to how fucked up my life was when i was a teenager. even just hearing my mother's footsteps as she moves throughout the house or the sound of doors opening triggers me.