How Do You Handle Guilt When Stepping Back From a Draining Friendship?

I’ve been reflecting on my relationships and trying to make healthier choices, but I am struggling with one friendship in particular. This friend has always been fun, outgoing, and a great planner, which made our connection feel effortless at first. But over time, I’ve realized she relies on me for emotional stability and clings to me to fill a void, which has become overwhelming.

I recently spent a year traveling and working as a digital nomad, and that time apart gave me perspective. I started to notice red flags in the friendship that might create a toxic dynamic in my life, like constant gossip, competitiveness, and judgmental comments that make me feel like I need to explain or defend myself.

Since returning, I’ve tried setting boundaries, kindly asking for space and saying I’ll reach out when I’m free, but nothing has changed. She continues to call, text, and send videos, asking if I’m upset with her or “breaking up” with her as a friend. She can sense that I am withdrawing and she is freaking out. This in return is freaking me out.

This has happened with 4 different but very similar dynamics friends/romantic partner since 2023. I withdraw emotionally and wait for the other person to pull the plug so I can be free. I am a chronic people pleaser and also avoid conflict to keep the peace. I am just now becoming self aware and realizing the archetype I attract .

I have been blessed to have a lot of very secure , independent and confident friends. I have never been triggered by any of them so this a new dynamic for me since 2023.

I want to step back and focus on building a secure, positive life, but I’m consumed by guilt. I don’t want to hurt her, but I also feel trapped and know this relationship no longer aligns with who I’m trying to become. How do you handle the guilt of stepping back from a friendship that no longer feels healthy? Is there a way to create distance without damaging the other person?