19F Starving, Bored, and Rotting in Bed Every Day Feels the Same

It’s not just one bad day. This is my every day. Wake up feeling empty, bored, and somehow already exhausted. Starve for hours because even the idea of getting up feels like an impossible task, and when I finally do eat, it’s either too little or way too much, and neither helps. Then I just… rot.

The boredom is the worst part, though. It’s not the “oh, I’ll just find something to do” kind of boredom. It’s the heavy, crushing kind. The kind that makes you turn to rough body play, porn, or whatever quick-hit distraction will numb the nothingness for five seconds. It’s not about fun. Just trying to feel anything to remind myself I’m alive.

And then it loops. Every day is the same. I’m starving physically, mentally, emotionally but I don’t even know what I’m hungry for anymore. Nothing feels good, and everything feels pointless.

Does anyone else live like this? How do you stop this cycle? Because right now, I’m just stuck, rotting in my bed, waiting for… I don’t even know what.