Feeling lost and overwhelmed

So I'm feeling really depressed today, feel it's not just about today. I've been feeling like this since the past 5-6 or probably 2 years since I joined college, but let's not dig deep into the dark. Let's focus on the current events. So the thing is that I'm in my final year at one of the most prestigious colleges in the country. Um, not into tech, not one of the technological fields, but the non-technology side.

I wanted to do an MBA post my graduation, which will be completed after 5 months. I was preparing for CAT. I spent close to 60-70,000 on my preparation—my parents' money—and my CAT didn’t go well. I know I prepared well, and I was hoping, probably, I could get into the top IIMs, but I scored just around 90 percentile. I am not joining mail, so I won’t be getting into any Tier 1 college.

Similarly, I gave XAT, hoping I could at least get into XLRI, but again, I scored extremely poorly—below 90 percentile. I am devastated because I am in a top college, and my peers, my friends—many of them toppers—have cracked the CAT and are preparing for their interview rounds for the IIMs and other top colleges.

It feels very shameful on my part. I feel like not going to college. I feel like hiding in my bed and not facing anyone there because every other person asks me about my results. Almost everyone gave CAT, and I feel extremely ashamed. I can’t put into words how I am feeling right now.

Every time the result comes out, I have to tell my parents about my score. My parents are not really pushing me down over this; they are quite neutral. But I can feel in their tone that they’re trying to taunt me, which is fine on their part as well—they spent the money, and of course, I didn’t perform.

I just don’t know what to do. It’s my last semester in college, and I’m probably deep down in depression. I just don’t want to prepare again. I don’t have that energy and don’t have the confidence to prepare again. I don’t know how I’m going to face the people in my college, the neighbors around my house.

Since that text or message made me admit my CAT results, I cry every time I have to reply to someone about my score. My school friends, who haven’t been in touch for months, suddenly text me about my results, and I have to tell them it’s not good. I tell them not to ask me about my results. It’s so painful, and I can’t put it into words.

Even while typing this, I feel nothing. I’m numb. I can’t feel any emotions. Deep down, I’m crying inside my heart, but outwardly I’m like a zombie. I don’t know what to do. I just don’t understand how to face this situation with everyone around me.

I have to go to college for the next 5 months and see other people giving interviews, but not me. I feel again and again that my parents were expecting, since I cracked a top-tier graduation college in the country, that I would do it again, and so was I. I was hoping I would do it again, but I’m devastated. I don’t know how to face this.

Sorry if this text is going too long. I’m just trying to express what I’m feeling in words. Thank you. I don’t know what else to say. I feel like maybe I wasn’t made for this. Maybe in another life, I’ll get a better chance. Maybe I’ll be better.

Thank you.