How do you approach dating someone you think you’re inferior to?
TLDR - I’m (27F) dating an outstanding man (31M). While we both adore one another, I am intimidated by him and, in many ways, I feel inferior. I would love to hear from others who’ve maybe been in a similar situation (or not - all are welcome to chime in) and gain perspective on how y’all navigated the relationship/grew together!
BTW: I’m working through this with my therapist, but I am making this post because I find comfort in reading others’ experiences because it makes me feel less alone!
Additional context: Started as friends, recently started dating a couple weeks ago. I understand my concerns are going to appear premature, but if you’re willing, please humor me!
My concerns:
He plans on having 9 groomsmen “from all important stages of his life” at his wedding. I can only think of 2 women I would like invite to be my bridesmaids. In a similar vein, he has multiple core groups of friends that regularly stay in touch and have known each other since they were children/teens. I’ve met several of them and they are all wonderful people that love each other deeply. I don’t have this. After I had a dramatic falling out with my high school/college friends (I was cut from the group because I was toxic; I’ve come to terms with it, forgiven myself, and apologized to everyone since), I essentially had to start over. Since college, I have met and made several friends who I love and cherish. However, realistically, I don’t expect them to stick around for more than a season. In other words, I don’t see my “bridesmaid” list growing significantly in the next 3-4 years. Why? I moved from my home state to New York about 2 years ago. Naturally, my friends from home and I have grown more distant. And, in my experience, friendships in New York are a bit more fleeting (people are more transient here; constantly moving in and out of the city, very busy, harder to build a deeper connection). I, myself, don’t plan on living here much longer before I’d like to move to LA. With each move, I meet more and more amazing people. But again, I am also aware this makes it more difficult to “establish strong roots” in any one place and give enough time for deeper, more meaningful relationships to take hold. Feel free to challenge me on this.
He comes from a large, loving, supportive family. He will likely want a large wedding to accommodate them all. My family is just me and my mom. My parents made a conscious decision to cut off extended family to protect us from things I’m not even fully aware of to this day. I’m an only child. My dad passed a few years ago and my mom and I, while we love each other, are not close. I wouldn’t invite anyone in my family besides my mom and her boyfriend to my wedding. In comparison, I feel like I’m lacking. Of course, this is my personal perception and is out of my control. But, at the end of the day, it’s something I’m insecure about.
He is incredibly talented (musician, dancer, singer, recreational sports, plethora of other hobbies/interests). To say the least, he lives a full, colorful life outside of work. I did not pick up any real hobbies or sports growing up because I was so focused on academics. This is something I’m working on today. I envy people who are comfortable and find joy in trying new things. I have to fight myself to try new things, accept that I won’t be perfect at it at the beginning, and just learn to enjoy it for the sake of doing it. I am trying to hold myself accountable to learning and sticking to a hobby consistently. That might sound ridiculous, but if you grew up conditioned to believe your worth was based on your achievements, you may also understand. This has been an issue in previous relationships because my partner (for example) would invite me to play games or sports and I would struggle feeling comfortable enough to come out because they (and their friends) are already great at these activities and I am embarrassed at how “not great” I am. Example: sand volleyball, any video game, tennis, etc
This is a vulnerable post for me to share because I can already anticipate some of the feedback, so I’d appreciate if folks could be gentle. However, all opinions are welcome! Thanks :)