Too strong?

Cocktails I order at bars feels more smooth and cohesive than what I make at home. When I asked a bartender, I was told maybe I'm not shaking the cocktail long enough to dilute. I've tried shaking longer or using more ice or even adding more water but that's not it. My wife says my drinks are always too strong but can't tell if it's too sour or too boozy. Maybe bar cocktails are more sweet? Help me!