Guilt for the life I've built

So I stupidly looked up the statistics of su***** in people with bipolar/bipolar 2, and I'm flooded with anxiety. It said it's even higher in patients with bipolar who had early onset symptoms, which is 🙋‍♀️. I've already had multiple petty failed attempts and some bigger ones that have landed me in hospital. I feel so bad for knowing other people love me and for having a husband that loves me when I can hurt them so much one day. I honestly don't know how long I'll make it. I feel helpless.