being a bipolar artist sucks

CW: substance abuse, suicide

ok so im a writer and my whole thing - since i was like 4 - has always been that im gonna be famous one day. that is genuinely my goal in life.

but it's so much harder when you're bipolar!

like, first is the whole tragic, mentally ill artist stereotype. it makes it so much harder to actually get better. cause like im supposed to be crazy, im supposed to do drugs and be an alcoholic or whatever, that's what writers do. im not high nearly as often as i used to be (which was every waking moment) but it's still not something i ever intend to stop, y'know? and ive been taking my meds but if im stable for too long i get bored and start craving the intense emotions again.

also im scared people won't take me seriously. i was manic and mentioned to my mom that i wanted to start a youtube channel so i can build a portfolio and hopefully make money off of it one day. and she was like "yeah that sounds like an idea you'd have while manic." i don't wanna go to therapy if they're gonna treat my ambitions like a delusion and try to "fix" that too. but if i don't get help ill end up like kurt cobain or fuckin kanye or something. im trying to find a balance but there's no examples of anyone ever succeeding at that and it scares me.