Things feel like there getting hard again

I was diagnosed this year and after different medicines I started taking one that's been helping and I haven't really been manic for the time I've been taking and I felt like everything was getting on track but the past few weeks I've been getting more and more depressed. I feel like it's helping with the manic highs but I dont know if it's helping with the lows or what. Its gotten to the pount where im self harming but i dont want to end things. I'm scared of how bad it's going to get and I feel very alone in it. I'm afraid to tell anyone and no one is noticing amythings wrong. I know need to get a hold of my psychiatrist but it's starting to feel like there's not going to be a medicine that works and I'm tired of trying to find one.