Are you ever mad at your parents for passing their illness onto you/neglecting u

I'm very conflicted, do I want kids? I would never want to put anyone let alone my child through the exhausting loop of all this. I almost resent my mother more for passing me the illness AND neglecting me. feels like a double whammie on me, and makes it ALOT harder to cope and seek support and believe what's happening to me is real and valid, but I want kids so badly and wish to give them a good life. The problem is I can't guarantee my reliability as a mother, giving the state of my mother as I was growing up. Regardless of whether or not I pass them the gene, if im too unstable to be a mother I'm traumatizing them either way.

Idk where to go with my life because I feel like I'm being held down and limited. Like Cinderella before midnight, trying to get as much done as possible before it's all gone and I'm back to being a hermit rotting in bed. I can never stop thinking