The best manic decision I ever made…

At the height of my first major manic episode during 2021 I was making all sorts of rash decisions. One of which was “Yea I’ll learn Krav Maga and be a bad ass!” So I signed up!

Weeks later I was hospitalized, suicidal, crashing and burning.

Somehow, amazingly, I stuck with it and it’s been pivotal to my recovery and coping with my illness. Martial Arts provides me stability. It’s a physical exercise I enjoy, a relief valve for aggression, stress, and anxiety, and a set of goals to drive towards. All of which are tremendous tools in dealing with BPD.

Saturday I received my black belt. 3 years of training, hundreds of hours on the mats, 6 months of intense prep, and a grueling 4.5 hr test that was easily the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life.

While I know I’ll never be cured of this illness, this accomplishment feels like closure to one of the toughest patches I’ve ever gone through. It feels like permission to move on.