Trapped at the Age of Onset

Diagnosed with Bipolar Type 1. I’m 34. Had my first manic episode with delusional psychosis at 17-18 (very long episode), and my second at 20-21 (again, long). My family kind of acted like nothing really happened, it was just a weird freak thing. It’s pretty traumatic to completely lose your mind, and I’ve never fully processed anything.

Since then, I feel like I haven’t grown or matured past the age of 17. Beyond just comparing my station in life to others my age, I literally think, feel, communicate, interact, behave, plan, etc. like I’m still only a teenager. And it’s not just me being mean to myself, I’ve analyzed the shit out of my personality. My body has aged but my mind hasn’t aged at all.

Anyone else feel completely stuck?