Panicking a bit - advice sought

Dear All,

I have been on Xanax for approx 7 to 8 years.

I have held a steady dose of an average of 2.00 to 2.25 Mg a day.

Divided and taken in two doses, one early in the evening and one 6 hours later in the evening just before bed or when I wake up in the night. Always 6 to 8 hours in between.

No daytime dose.

It's taken for sometimes acute anxiety and mainly sleep as I was not sleeping. I had PTSD surfacing before and it caused crippling ocd/anxiety and insomnia.

I have done much work on PTSD through trauma healing courses, inner child work etc.

So although i can still struggle sometimes and the xanax helps me sleep, im worried about the long-term damage it can do and my short-term memory is not the best. Although it's hard to dissect if this is just due to the Xanax as i also have ADD (which i think is linked to the trauma) and try to deal with it through exercise etc rather than medication.

So I'm just starting to try and reduce, one huge fear i have is that today i lost concentration or full awareness on a task and made a mistake i would not normally. I did something with “less awareness” and did not double-check something first.

And i have been researching how long-term use can cause brain damage and changes in brain shape etc and it sent me into a huge fearful spin in that im concerned i may be one of those that it's too late for, in that i have sustained physical brain damage and fearing the worst early dementia etc.

Again I can catastrophise and also have ADD and quite a bit of stress on right now.

But my short-term memory has seemed a little worse lately, occasional use of wrong word (extremely mild and could be lack of good sleep as run down and tired and stressed) And I'm worried that as I've been on them for so long I've damaged my brain and something bad is going to happen and maybe it's already too late. :(

I came off a Benzo before over 20 years ago and it was horrendous and so i do know what I'm in for with withdrawal, (it took a year to come off one before and was the worst) but i know it's possible.

But im crazy scared i have already done irreparable damage to my brain.

Any thoughts or advice would be very much appreciated.

Many thanks Blessings 🙏