I keep going quiet when I don’t want to :(

I don’t really know the term, I haven’t really researched the ins and outs of the autistic community even though I’m autistic myself. Big communities like these are really terrifying. So I’m sorry if I get something wrong. But I often go to reddit to look up for advice for problems or info.

I have had trouble at work recently because I haven’t been able to get accommodations. And being bullied by my coworkers for being slow… The environment is so stressful that I physically can’t get myself to talk. Usually I can talk fine but I haven’t been mute (sorry I don’t know what term to use) since middle school.

The reason I didn’t tell my employers about it is because I was only able to get interviews when I left out my autism on my resume. Employers see mental disabilities as undesirable so I had to leave that out to not end up homeless and autistic. (I am very very poor as is and I desperately need money.)

Because I can’t talk I can’t get accommodations. I either start crying silently or just grunt when I try to speak up about something and it makes me feel like people see me as crazy or just an idiot. I can only stare at people wide eyed as I can’t think of words and my mouth doesn’t move.

Typing is perfectly fine. I communicate mostly through typing these days and it’s stress free and beautiful. And I want to be able to do that at work too! But that’s hard to do when I can’t speak up in the first place.

I need ideas…

TLDR; Job is stressful and I can’t speak because of it. I need help finding a way to get accommodations so I don’t have to talk all the time.