detransitioning??

This is mainly a throw away post to just let my feelings out. I feel i have begun to detransition, but not fully in a way. I know my chosen name will forever stay close to my heart as the real me but it has just gotten harder trying to explain myself. I am/was ftm but i was still feminine in a way. No one understood me really and sometimes they didn’t see the point since i was still feminine in a way. So it pushed me to think i was gender fluid then non binary and now i don’t know what to think. I’ve identified myself as trans for 6 years so letting this side of me go kinda hurts. I feel like i’ve lost myself and a part of me is dead. Knowing that instead of fighting ive just settled makes my heart sink. I’ve spent hours crying wishing i was born in the right body. It just feels weird now that i’m just kinda numb to it. Was i really ever trans or just confused. Now all my future holds is being a wife and mother. I wish i was stronger in this fight but i just can’t. I hope you all never go through this feeling of losing yourself. I love you all, be stronger than me and don’t settle.