Why I don't enjoy bottoming 😢?

I don't know where to start, I love the bottom fantasy, an alpha masculine man seducing me, I love when tops flirt with me and I masturbate thinking about getting fucked. But I don't enjoy it phisically, I clean myself, I lube my hole, and I still find it uncomfortable after so many years.

On the other hand, I don't find bottoms attractive, when I know a guy is a bottom the attraction is lost. But I do enjoy toping, or at least my dick does, I mean an ass feels good, but the fantasy about being the fucker is not that appealing.

In conclusion: my mind loves to bottom but my body hates it. And my body likes to top, but my mind is uninterested. It's confusing and frustrating...