A crush or a really intense squish?

So I’ve been trying to sort out my feeing recently, and I’m trying to figure out what I can feel towards people. I’m like 99% sure I’m on the aro spectrum, however I keep getting confusing and contradictory feelings recently, most of it having to do with how I feel towards certain people.

So I’ve never had a crush, however recently I’ve had what I’m calling for now a very intense squish, but the part is that I’m already decently close friends with this person. Here’s a list of what I feel, because I feel like this gets really close to what a crush is, but it still doesn’t feel like it:

  • I’m already friends with them like I’ll see them multiple times a day, but every time I’m around them they’re the only person I want to acknowledge or talk to, seeking validation from them

  • I really want to interact with this person a lot, talk to them when I can, seek their validation in stuff, etc.

  • I wanted to be clingy a lot with them (I’m very geared towards physical touch, same with friends)

  • I feel cared about/like I matter with them and this makes me feel ecstatic

  • With this specific person, I feel like I wouldn’t mind at all living with them, it might be fun, might make me happy

  • I don’t get butterflies or think about them too much outside of texting/seeing them in person (which is when I turn super happy and excited)

  • Extreme jealousy when they eventually found a partner (conveniently also in my friend group 🥲). Extreme as in I can’t look at them, I can’t think about them without feeing really bad about my current situation. Multiple breakdowns have been had over this.

Still trying to figure out if this is technically a crush or not. The fact I’m already decently close with them makes me doubt it’s a squish, because I’m already friends with them. The other thing is that I feel like I’m in a weird zone between really close friends and lovers, where I can’t feel the romance part but I still very much want someone to be more of a friend to me. But yeah, is it a squish, is it not a squish, that’s the question