Kissing Regret in “Open”** Relationship

LOL not even sure what to say here. My (ex) girlfriend moved to far away, so we decided to break up with the understanding that we want to get back together eventually. We still talk every day & I’ll be going to visit her for the second time this year in late spring (yes, very homo of me). So our relationship status is very complicated, but we have a general understanding that the label is somewhere between open relationship & friends with benefits.

I am historically not comfortable with an open-relationship, so this process has been very new for me and a bit uncomfortable. We agreed to be honest with one another about physical stuff we do with other people, and she’s already had a lowkey hookup with someone else, while I had not up until this weekend. Went out on the weekend with some friends & mutuals, and I guess I was just feeling myself because I start flirting with one of the mutuals. I honestly wasn’t planning on anything going further than that because I still feel sorta weird about the idea of doing anything with anyone else. Long story short… we ended up kissing/making out briefly. And the way I immediately regretted it HAHAHA.

Not even going to lie… it was BAD. It was just not good. The second it happened I was like, damn okay I’m not interested anymore. But of course (like most people would) the girl got way more clingy/invested in me the rest of the night and I was just like arghhhhh. It was negative spark & it seriously felt like she just smashed her face into mine. AND I feel dumb asf because I’ll probably see her again sometime when I hang out with those friends again. RIP me.

Then I had to go tell my ex about it and she was kinda happy for me & then I was like “no, it was so bad”, which she thought was very very funny. I was not amused. I’m not used to being single anymore.. is it always that “off” when u make out with a stranger??