needing support and thinking abt moving back home to homophobic parents?

TW: sh // more of a venting post

so yeah, basically what the title says. i’m 22 and i moved out last yr, got a job across the country and was so excited to start building a life of my own, go on dates, and finally be free of my parents’ homophobia. i’ve also been experimenting w my gender expression too and it’s rly nice to do that in a big city where no one cares to get gossip back to my family.

i still rly love my parents and i miss my siblings a lot, but i visit regularly. recently though my depression and anxiety have been exacerbated by many life things and i recently started to SH again. i am realizing that i don’t have as many friends or established support systems here as i thought (dating has also been a complete bust). i have people who i hang out w, but they aren’t people i feel comfortable opening up to about this and they don’t know about my struggles in the past. i also haven’t been liking my job (i mean who does?) and am not really sure what i’m doing in this city anymore. i’m not sure if its just seasonal depression but i’ve been feeling shit for a while (though it’s only been the past few weeks that it’s gotten rly bad).

anyways, i’m trying to figure out if the homophobia at home is worth it. i’m not out to my religious muslim parents, but it was my main motivator for leaving home in the first place. i just think i’m not strong enough to be on my own. i failed being an adult and i’m so tired and i just want to be able to stop doing life without having to worry about rent and groceries. the thought of being able to be in my childhood bedroom again and just existing for a bit is rly comforting and i can’t help but want that, even if it feels counterproductive.

if i did move home id prob just work on grad school applications, which ive been thinking of for a while. i could also go see my old therapist who i rly rly miss. idk maybe this is just my depression talking and wanting me to retreat back into old habits. i can’t tell what the best decision for me is.