Possible borderline personality disorder (bpd)

I’m not entirely sure if this will be considered triggering or not but I thought I’d play it safe

Now, when I first heard about bpd it was through TikTok, I know that’s not a good place for info but this was a few years ago and I was stupid. I saw symptoms listed on TikTok that connected a lot to me and explained a lot of things, granted mental health is a very complex thing. Eventually i decided to start doing research into and time and time again I gathered more things that pointed towards the possibility of me having bpd. Eventually I brought it up to my therapist but it had continuously gotten swept under the rug with “you don’t seem like you have it” or “it’s just hormones” when we usually don’t talk about that kind of stuff because my depression is our main focus. And hormones don’t do this to someone. I don’t know what’s wrong with me but i desperately want to. I want that closure. I want to know how to piece myself together. Hormones don’t make someone scream at their own mother when theyre in the wrong, hormones don’t make someone see red and almost push over their disabled mother. Hormones don’t make you have mood swings that change rapidly and extremely within seconds. When I get angry I know realistically it’s something I shouldn’t do but I physically cannot stop myself sometimes. I don’t want to hurt people. I don’t want to push everyone away. I don’t want to split on people. I don’t know what to do. I want to be normal. I’m tired of this. So fucking tired. I’m trying so hard to stay stable but it’s taking all my energy. I don’t know what to do.