I think of sex like I think of pickles.

When I'm in the store, I love looking at the jars of pickles. I think pickles are so pretty. They're so round and fit so nicely in their jars. Even when they are cut in quarters or chips. I like seeing people eat pickles. I like the sound of the crunch. The fact that they eat them cold and they sound so crisp and fresh.

But every time I eat a pickle, I am disgusted. Revolted. I want to like pickles so badly but every time I tried them, the strong scent of vinegar hits the back of my throat and I feel the slimy, seedy middle, and I can barely swallow.

I crave sex. YEARN FOR IT. It seems so great when others do it but for me, it's uncomfortable and boring. My first time was when I was 19 and during the entire 15 minutes of it I was irritated. I just wanted him to finish so I can go back to watching Modern Family.

Every person I talk to about this feeling tells me I'm probably a prude (I'm not) or I'm "sex repulsed" (I don't think I am) but it's been 8 years and I just can't seem to find the urge to want to give my body to some dude to masturbate with. I want to like it. I want to enjoy it like so many people tell me they do but the experience always leaves me feeling like a balloon with the air let out.

Maybe I am repulsed. Maybe it's some trauma I've never addressed. Hell, Maybe it's Maybelline! I don't know! All I know is I really want a pickle, but I know it's going to taste nasty.