I want to break up with my potentially terminally ill boyfriend.

I am no longer in love with my boyfriend. Or maybe It's that I've grown to dislike him more than I love him.

6 months ago we moved in together into a pretty expensive apartment. On our combined salary we should've easily been able to afford it but he's lost his freelancing gig and hasn't been able to find another source of income ever since.

I pay for everything, while he stays at home. I can't even expect to get a meal when I get home. It's frustrating. However I don't want to act like he doesn't do stuff, he does the dishes and the Laundry and cleans once a week but I feel like it's not enough. It leaves me feeling bitter because I have to juggle work and school to support us while he's at home playing video games.

I'm in University on a bursary (which only covers tuition) but the stress of being the sole breadwinner and paying for everything on my suddenly measly salary has made my grades drop. I'm 3% off the required average that I need to qualify for the bursary again. I'll probably have to find another job or even a second job to pay for my school next year.

I know it isn't his fault but I genuinely only want to focus on me again and not have to try and entertain and communicate with someone whom I'm growing to resent.

I've wanted to break up with him for a solid 2 months now. However, 3 weeks ago he's been diagnosed with a brain tumour. It's inoperable and causes him to have painful headaches and nosebleeds when he's stressed or angry. We don't know yet whether it's terminal, but the situation seems bleak. At the very least we know that it's grown a visible amount a week after his first check up which means it's probably malignant and thus terminal.

I think I cried for two days straight when I found that out. Of course I'm worried about him and the illness, but even while I was crying about losing him, I dreaded taking on a other responsibility, when I'm already doing it all.

His only support system is his previously abusive Mom. He has no friends that he feels close to. I know that I'm the only person he feels very close to. But I don't want to live like this anymore. I'm so tired of feeling like shit because of this stress. I'm falling into depression. I'm beginning to hate being around him or interacting with him, because in my mind he's causing me all this grief. I literally cry in my sleep.

But I do still care for him. I don't want him going through such a scary situation alone. I don't want him to feel like giving it all up.

I guess I'm wondering if I can put myself first or if I should continue supporting him until we know more about the tumour. I don't know anymore. I don't want to live like this anymore but I cant let him go through this alone.

UPDATE- so I spoke to my boyfriend about the financial stress I'm under. I told him that I would be prioritising myself and my studies next year. that he would need to get a job or find a way to make some kind of income because I would be paying for my schooling no matter what and that my degree is really important to me and that I don't want to let any of my hard work go to waste.

I didn't tell him that I want to break up or that I don't love him anymore. however he does know that my romantic feelings for him have been waning. I'm not sure if I can tell him more explicitly how I feel. but that's simply because I don't want to hurt him or demotivate him.

he listened and didn't really say much. which is pretty typical for him when we're discussing anything important. but he knows that he's got time till next year March to make some sort of change/ effort. because I can't keep us afloat on my own any longer.

however, while he may not be best with words he did show me in his actions that he's taking me serious. immediately after we finished talking, he packed away his gaming setup. like completely gone into the back of the closet and started updating and revising his CV. he hasn't started looking for a job yet, but I hope he keeps up the same determination and drive.

Hopefully it will bear fruit.

thank you to everyone who commented and gave me advice. I'm so thankful. it gave the courage to speak to him and not just continue being miserable.

also many of you suggested we apply for grants and other support services. sadly, he does not qualify for any sort of disability in my country. We've looked and even support groups aren't really a thing. which makes sense. we're not the most developed country. but I'm still just glad that he took my words to heart and actively tried finding a solution.