Going into my 20s and feel hopeless socially, would like some outside perspective :)

Hey guys! i'm not sure if this is the kind of thing to be posted here, but i feel like you guys might be able to give me the kind of advice i could actually use. this might be a little all over the place- i'm not exactly sure what details to include to help 😅

I am 19 turning 20 in a couple months and I feel completely socially isolated and incapable of doing/knowing how to do anything about it. the first thing i should get out of the way is that i am diagnosed autistic, so that probably plays a big part in my feelings. I don't have a job, i tried to get one for years but the job market out here for people my age in beginner jobs is horrible. i ended up getting on disability so i haven't been applying for a while. i dropped out of high school as soon as i turned 18, and that was the last time i actually made any friends.

as for friends, i have 2 people that i occasionally talk to, but neither of them live anywhere near me. i had friends in my area up until october, when i stopped talking to them because they seemed to be pushing me away and weren't helping when i voiced my concerns. i have tried to become friends with a couple people i met through mutuals but it always just ends with them not replying after a very very short conversation (probably because i made it awkward) and it takes so much to just get over the anxiety and message them in the first place. i feel okay without friends but it would be nice to have even just one friend near me. though it does feel a little terrifying to think of trying to get someone to like me.

i know going out is how you have to make friends in adulthood but i also don't even know where to start with that. i always see people say coworkers are common friendships but i obviously don't have those. i see clubs recommended a lot but i can't even think of an actual interest i have that would be a club. i barely leave the house unless my mother asks me to or i have an event because i don't have any reason and i have horrible anxiety. i can't even really go out for long periods of time without feeling sick. i don't think i have anything of interest to talk to people about if i somehow managed to come across a potential friend.

sometimes i feel like i never developed past like 16, which is embarrassing. i'm horrible with personal hygiene and am admittedly not conventionally attractive so i feel like that is definitely not helping my case. everyone recommends apps for motivation and stuff but i just end up ignoring the notifications from them after like two days. i feel like i have to rewire my brain to fix it and that seems like an impossible task.

i don't know if any of yall can help me with this. maybe i just needed to say it to people who don't know me. i would appreciate any and every piece of advice you might have, i don't get any anywhere else. sorry for the long post but thank you so much if you read it!! 💜