Do the thoughts ever go away?

No matter how much I try, or how much good happens to me I can’t seem to stop thinking about just ending it. The only thing that stops me is thinking that it would disappoint the people in my life that I love. But even then I feel like the only way people would remember me is if I just did it. These thoughts have been going on for 4 years without fail. I just feel like I’m not a good person, I’m selfish and ugly and I’ll never be able to find happiness because I have cripplingly low self-esteem. Recently I’m struggling to find the motivation to do work or work toward my future career because I can’t see it existing.