How do I move on?

In my 40s and I am feeling demotivated by everything and then someone comes along and it’s a long distance relationship and suddenly my life lights up and I have all sorts of energy and positive outlook on life. I recognize now that I got love bombed and then she breaks up and then we get back together again although I knew I was being love bombed which I thought was genuine at the time and now feels like heading for a break up after a fight and I am hurting.

She said she is going to get busy and various other reasons and won’t be able to call or text as much. I take that as I am not a priority for her. I imagine in my head that I can make her my priority and give all my affection and attention then if she says she loves me then why can’t she.

Also, because it’s long distance how long should she wait etc. I am insecure and the way I think is wrong perhaps but I believe if you love someone you find ways to keep in touch and wait for that person. In my mind I would wait why can’t you.

I also have attachment issue and believe in codependency. I feel like everything was a lie and I won’t be able to move it. I also feel like because of my age and thinking of mortality that I won’t find anyone else.

I also often have this feeling that life is slipping and the life I dreamed with her isn’t a reality anymore and it terrifies me. I am a complete mess right now.

I can’t focus on anything and in a rut. I hate myself for being so sensitive, being so dependent on others emotionally. The way I think that I can only be happy if I am with them etc.

Most nighst, I cry and then I feel a bit better and then the sadness comes back and the cycle continues. I am not motivated to do anything. I need to find a way to move on. How do I move on? When it seems impossible right now.