I'm broken

I lost my kids today.

Their mom moved away after the divorce, left them with me for 75% of the time, left me to take care of everything. Then filed for custody. Nearly 2 years later we went to court and she won and I don't know how or why. My world just shattered. My entire being and everything I live for for the past 10 years of my life has been confined to every other weekend and two weeks in the summer. My heart is so broken. Everything is broken. I love them so much and now I can't even be with them.

Edit: Please don't upvote or anything. I don't want the notifications. This is just.. I don't know. Me saying my feelings.