No courage to divorce.

33F with 2 young kids in a 8 years marriage. Currently staying with my in-laws and my MIL has been a great help in looking after the kids and I really appreciate that.

However, I am sick and tired of being in a marriage where husband is not contributing as a team player and leaving EVERYTHING (looking after the kids, household chores, saving money) to me and his mother. He spent his weekends watching Netflix or hanging out with his friends while I bring the kids out. Honestly, I feel like a single parent. In addtion, he is verbally abusive and talking to him is like talking to a volcano, waiting to explode.

Fyi, husband was diagnosed with anger management issues (does not bother to seek help) even when the doctor advises him to do so.

In short，am afraid of requesting a divorce as he may say things to unalive himself like jumping down a building. Have gotten into many heated arguments in the beginning of our marriage regarding looking after our kids and other issues and he can be violent at times (snatching my phone and throwing at me, thankfully it misses me). Subsequently I gave up arguing with him as am afraid of his violent tendencies and became more bottled up with my feelings, which eventually leads to my now depression and anxiety.

EDIT: Have removed the more detailed portions of the post as am afraid the post will make the rounds to him and he may go berserk. Appreciate the comments..am unable to give up the BTO now first due to the current limited space here. Currently, staying with my inlaws with a family of 10 people in a very cluttered 4-room flat.

Am trying to tahan until the collection of the keys before initiating the process. Am extremely nervous about this as I am generally a soft-hearted, non-confrontational and low confidence person (scared I may back out)....did not tell anyone about this including my own family members as they are worrywarts and at an old age (not sure if they can handle the news)...

Also, how shld I initiate the process? Suddenly bring my kids over to my parents' place without letting him know? Am also afraid of the kids not wanting to come over with me as they are very close to my MIL as she is the main caregiver for them since young.