I just had an epiphany.

The man I was before nofap and the man I used to be after nofap are not very different. They both were afraid of feeling sexual, being sexual, touching themselves, looking at beautiful women for long without the eyes moving here and there. This is largely due to the fact that we have always been told that anything related to sex is bad, which includes masturbation. No wonder we used to close the door and jack off as quickly as possible to 'get done' with feeling horny. This causes physical disorders like Premature Ejaculation. Masturbating and ejaculation are different things. We didn't really like the feeling of sexuality, and so we threw it away everyday. Repression and indulgence are not different, rather two sides of the same coin. In order to truly 'ascend', we need to get over both, at the same time. Now some people will think that I'm saying nofap is repression and so go back to fapping. NO. That is indulgence, I want you to get over both repression and indulgence SIMULTANEOUSLY. Embrace your sexual energy. It's just like any other system, like the digestive system. Sex is big on our minds only because we either try to run away from it, or run towards it so that it runs way from us, get my point?! So right now accept your deepest sexual desires and make friends with them. Watch your 'urges', don't count days, rather introspect about what you're looking for in porn. The moment you stop looking at things as good and bad and look at them for what they are, you will actually understand yourself and the thing. Your dick and your brain are equal, no one is higher or lower. And then watch those desires and the energy, feel it, make it grow, don't run away from it, don't hasten it, take it as slow as possible. Only when that happens, true celibacy occurs. The energy is transformed into deeper and more inclusive energies like love, intuition, godliness. On the grave of sex grows the mystic rose. Think of it this way. You are a child and you want a toy, no matter how many toys you get, you're never satisfied. Then your mother tells you to abstain from playing with toys, you do that, but deep down there is no transformation, you are frustrated and go on in habitual loops and buying thousands of toys and then hating toys. But when you grow old, you don't want toys anyways, you are over them. This is because you have found something greater. That is true sexual transmutation, true alchemy, turning lead into gold. The value is not in the gold, because it is still the same lead. The value is in the transformation. You will be reborn, the rebirth talked about in the Bible, and many other esoteric texts.