36 and experiencing horrendous insecurity due to latest discovery. I'm done with men.

Will keep it as short as I can.

Ended my (F36) 18 month relationship with now ex (M29) a week ago, I went full no contact. Basically I have come to the realisation that he is a very very intense covert narcissist and the amount of gaslighting, emotional manipulation, lack of accountability, many phrases such as "you've created a false narrative of me in your mind", etc, have been an unbelievable journey, one I have never experienced before.

I have had the strongest gut feelings about this person that came in waves throughout our time together, a feeling of doom. Each gut feeling has been right and confirmed with pretty heavy stuff - a cocaine addiction being one of them.

The latest discovery is one that I HATE being a part of at 36, I feel too fucking grown for this shit. During our last break up he screenshotted selfies of a girl that HE KNOWS, they are Instagram friends and have mutual friends in real life. And then.....EMAILED THEM TO HIMSELF. At 3am. I know we weren't together at the time but it was 3 days after we broke up - whilst I was waiting for an abortion. And it's just particularly gross and creepy as an act, the screenshotting and emailing to himself. It's horrendous and a real violation of that woman. Also, this just feeds in to every insecurity I have ever had about myself, ones that I have spent years working on. YEARS.

I knew he had a secretive side to him surrounding this topic, I had no logical reason to know - I just knew. It's killing me.

I just wanted to vent this out, and ladies - never ever ignore that magical intuition.