23F just broke up with my long dduduaduatduaduddidisdistdistadistance bf(27M) can't over with him I feel so worthless now

Hello everyone I am 23F I broke up with my boyfriend this morning only it's just few hours only I feel so numb I feel so much pain I can't describe I am feeling so worthless don't know what to do We were in relationship for one and half year sirf starting ke 2-3 -4 months he honeymoon period tha after that my worst days started with him still I was in hope in delusion that things will change saare cheeze ignore karke relationship chala rahi thi but ab I am done now ab aur himmat nahi hai in starting first month of our relationship or I think it was second month I caught him red sexting with a girl onInstagrams doing video chat sharing his nudes after that I took a break from him for one week fir bhi maine usse forgive kardiya aur ye sab tab hua jab main ussemilne uski city jo Himachal mein hai jaane wali thi maine usse do din pehle pakda tha. I was so much in love with him I used to make every small or big efforts to make him feel special to make him realise how much he is important for me it was long distance hum 7-8 months se mile nahithef still I was so understanding and patience with his job with his work calls video calls everything we did was on his convenience fir bhi usse kabhi meri value nahi hui 😔😔 he didn't respect me he never appreciated me for any of my efforts apni convenience pe attention deta aur jab breakup karti toh start kardeta ki he loves me alot he is just busy etc etc fir achanak se love bombing start kardeta but jab main theek hojati fir wahi sab start jab usse complain karti ki ye mat kr tu mujhe attention nu de raha etc etc wo kehta bas ladaai start kardi behes mat kar he had very bad alcoholic habits jab wo drink karleta mujhe abuse karta bhot saare cheeze fir bhi sab ignore kiya but ab breakup bhi kar liya but aisa lag raha I can't live without him I have blocked his number but fir bhi truecaller pe dekh rahi hu kahi uski call toh nahi aayi kya yahi deserve karti thi main usse mere effort nahidikhe? Meri value kyu nahi ki usne bas yahi sab chal raha please tell me what to do? I really need help