To the new moms wondering if it ever gets better… it does.

I had kids in my early 20s, they are now 3 and 5. I’ve never been a completely stay at home mom. I pushed to graduate college, and even when I took a leave of absence I was working 4 nights a week as a server. In that time “at home” with two kids- a newborn and a 2.5 year old, I constantly wondered what I had gotten myself into, and how so many women did this for centuries and it filled their cup. I reasoned that it must not have, and they simply didn’t have a choice.

I have a super supportive husband that my family lovingly calls Mr. Mom, in laws that watch my kids weekly, my kids are sleep trained so they sleep in their own bed. I had all the things that I would see people long for and I still felt so overwhelmed and guilty.

The beginning isn’t what you see portrayed by society. There are raging hormones, self confidence issues, possible post partum-depression (and rage), unresolved childhood traumas arising, marriage issues are magnified due to lack of sleep, it hits you like a truck. My husband and I did couples therapy after my second was born and it helped identify all of these issues and allowed us to see each other’s struggles through early parenthood. I highly recommend this if you’re dealing with any form of conflict or resentment.

Fast forward 3 years. I have two beautiful young kids who are starting to be more independent, can vocalize their needs, have their own interests, etc. It is so much easier. I have more energy to play how they want to play. I can take them to the park and they do their own thing. We can go to restaurants if we plan ahead. We can go to the zoo and don’t need to bring a diaper bag. Spending time as a family feels like a family outing, not a chore.

We just went to the water park this weekend, and my 5 year old was tall enough to ride the rides with an adult. We went on all of them taking turns for who would stay back with the younger one. It was magical. In that moment I realized that I made it out. I did it, and this is wonderful. This is the phase of motherhood I am equipped for.

The baby phase is not for everyone. Don’t feel guilty if it’s not the happiest time in your life. You’re not a bad mom if you’re overwhelmed and can’t handle it the way you see others do. And for goodness sake don’t compare your life to anyone else’s that you see, whether in person or on social media. You are doing your best. Your baby knows that. One day your baby will be a little kid, and I can assure you, you’ll feel a lot better.

• a mom who just figured this out