I’m worried that we’re spoiling my 3yo (almost 4yo) daughter

So our daughter is very demanding. Generally if something upsets her she’ll scream and scream until she gets what she wants.

In this case, she’s always wanting more toys. Nothing expensive, maybe 5-10 dollars.

But it’s gotten to the point where anytime we go food shopping (target) she begs and begs for a toy until my wife agrees to a small toy. Or if they are out on play dates they always come back with a toy.

Yesterday we got another toy delivered from Amazon. And my daughter was playing with it while we waited for my wife to finish her doctors appointment. My daughter said to my wife that it wasn’t the toy she wanted. So she needed another toy.

I told her “honey you just got a toy today, you have to learn to appreciate what you have” and that of course started the tantrum.

I told my wife that I had serious concerns that we were spoiling her and setting her up for poor outcomes.

This is where I get tripped up.

My wife told me that our daughter was now experiencing trauma because I burst her bubble and that there’s nothing wrong with her getting small cheap toys.

So, money not being the issue, has there been a change in the way people look at spoiling their children? I was raised in the “if it’s not a special occasion birthday or Christmas” you put it on a list.

Thanks for any advice!

Edit: Surprised to see so many comments. Thanks for everyone who offered great advice. I wanted to clarify some stuff and give a small update:

We’re back on the same page now thankfully. I showed her this post and she wanted to clarify what she meant about “traumatic”

She says: it’s “not that she’s being traumatized, but that the amount that our daughter is crying that she is experiencing trauma.” She says she probably shouldn’t have used that word to describe it.

I will add that my wife had a very difficult childhood and I think that might be playing a role in this. She had a mother who was controlling and withheld food from her, spiritual abuse and parents that looked at her like she was a complete nuisance.

That might be at play here. But she’s vowed to work with me and get on the same page. Because she is just as afraid of creating poor outcomes as I am. Thanks again!