Panicking at sea

Hello everyone. I am posting this after buying a very expensive internet package, but hey, we all do silly things when anxiety is in control 🤦‍♀️

So I am on a cruise ship, and I am finding out the hard way how reliant I am on being able to call people for help during a panic attack. I can't even fall back to my last resort of calling 911. The thought ALONE appears to be enough to trigger an attack, because I have a tendancy to have racing thoughts that can quickly spiral out of control. I'm talking within seconds, I can be normal one moment then having a full blown panic attack the next, just from spiraling thoughts. It's so silly and irrational and I hate how attached I've become to the ability to call prople. I'm here to relax and get away from technology! Not spend a week in anxious hell wishing I never got on board.

A part of me is hoping that this will be "healing" in a way, that it will force me to be more self-reliant as far as getting through attacks alone, but to arrive at that point it'll likely mean experiencing a panic attack by myself, surrounded by strangers, and unable to call for help. It'd be terrifying and horrible abd it WILL eventually happen if I end up alone unable to find my family. I desperately need to learn to get over that and get my silly brain to recognize that I am safe...but then the other part of me is desperately formulating how to stick to my family members like the most obnoxious type of glue so I don't have to be alone to deal with the anxiety.

This condition is awful.

I suppose I'm here mostly to vent, but I'm also interested in any advice you all can share. I DID bring an ungodly amount of Xanax to get through the worst of it (like 50 pills in total, I've been hoarding my prescriptions for half a year JUST for this trip), but it would be nice not to spend my vacation completely zonked out as I try to escape the anxiety that way.