My life feels like hell

I’ve been diagnosed for the past 12 years with PMDD, my pediatrician threw me on birth control at 16 for it. At the ripe age of 28 I have also been diagnosed with GAD, MDD, and PTSD on top of it. But god none of that feels as horrible at that one week I dread every month. Or at least it used to be.

Was diagnosed with endometriosis back in 2019 which resulted in me being put on a continuous round of birth control. It’s nice because now I don’t get a period every month, now it’s every 10-12 weeks. But every week it’s about time to change my ring, I’m in hell again. Like I feel like the most worthless person on the planet, my suicidal ideation is higher, and my triggers are even more sensitive.

I had a horrible weekend where a friend pretty much created drama out of nothing, blamed it on me, and proceeded to mock me/make fun of who I am. He came for my throat on my diagnoses and did I think what a lot of people fear of, he made fun of me for it. I’m used to being coined the “crazy girl” but still cuts me like a knife. I spent my whole weekend stoned to just numb the pain. My self esteem was at its lowest to the point I’ve isolated myself completely after work. Then this morning- period arrives. Makes a lot of sense, still frustrating and uneasy.

Somedays, I just wish my brain worked normally. I wish I wasn’t at war with my brain and hormones. Before anyone asks- I’m currently in therapy and medicated for my conditions. Albeit, it’s been hard for me to find a cocktail that works with my mind, I’ve tried every antidepressant, antipsychotic, and other supporting medications to help me. I just feel lost. Idk if I want advice but I’m not against it, I guess I just wanted to speak to people who understand. Because I’ve felt so alone in my life with this…