Realizing my standard for a “good” partner is wrong.

Please don’t repost this on any other social media. Thank you.

My boyfriend and I were chatting over dinner the other day, and he pointed out something that really got me thinking. He noticed that whenever I talk about relationships, I tend to use him as an example of what makes a “good” boyfriend—specifically, the fact that he doesn’t hurt me physically.

Growing up, I witnessed my father physically abuse my mom. My earliest memory is from when I was just 3 years old—I remember him dragging my mom by the hair and punching her in the stomach. Things were so bad that by the time I was 7, my younger sibling, who was only 5, was already talking about wanting to kill our dad just to stop him from hurting our mom. Pretty intense, right?

Because of that trauma, I’ve always believed that as long as a boyfriend or husband doesn’t physically hurt you, he’s a good partner. But my boyfriend gently pointed out that not hurting your partner should be a given, not the standard for being good. He explained that a boyfriend or husband shouldn’t hurt you, but that alone doesn’t automatically make them a good partner—it’s just basic decency.

I’m really grateful that my boyfriend understands where I’m coming from because of my past, but he also helped me see that I deserve better than just “not being hurt.” And honestly, I’m so thankful that he’s never laid a hand on me. I hope this can be a wake-up call for anyone in an abusive relationship to rethink what you truly want and deserve in a partner.