Struggles of an introvert

Hi, I'll probably get over this feeling again tomorrow or later but right now I just want to let it out. As an introvert, I usually opted to stay away from people, especially strangers. Sometimes kapag nakikipag-usap ako, I'm just pretending like I care for the sake of the converstation lang, especially sa strangers. Kapag wala naman akong sasabihin, tahimik lang talaga ako. Hindi rin ako makwento, that's why kahit ano mang nararamdaman ko, laging nasa isip ko lang. I'm not also the observant type kasi I'm usually minding my own business talaga. Tamad den ako magchat kc I prefer na mag-usap f2f.

In short, I feel like people find me boring so they don't bother including me. Sa lahat ng circle of friends ko, I still feel this awkwardness inside me, like sometimes I don't know how to approach them kahit ang tagal na naming magkakakilala. I think I never had like a best friend na comfortable akong pagsabihan ng lahat ng thoughts ko or kaya akong sabayan sa mga gusto ko (anime and manhwa stuff). I really feel alone a lot of times. What's more saddening is that, I feel like it's my fault.

I tried to change kaya kahit papano nakikipagsabayan ako sa iba kahit nadraidrain ako. Ang masakit na feeling siguro talaga is when people won't consider me like as a part of their lives kahit yung close friends ko. Sometimes I envy those people na lagi nagsasabe yung close friends nila kung anong ganap sa buhay nila ganon kahit di sila mangamusta. I feel like they are not just comfortable with me.

I've been thinking talaga ano pa ang problem sakin. I tried to socialize naman pero lagi nalang feeling ko left out ako.

I don't know. Is it because I don't look beautiful? Is it because wala akong mga interesting stories na mashashare about sa buhay ko? Is it because I don't match their vibe?

I hope that someday this feeling of always being left out will go away.