Breathe

I think the hardest part of breathing is doing it under pressure

On command

No pleasure

Just constant effort

...

All you can focus on is

How fast

How deep

How loud you must be as you try to complete the rhythm beat by beat

...

I swear it’s the reason I’m an insomniac

Wondering if my next breath is going to be my last

I circle around cliches and final sayings then I start to lose track

...

I start to lose face

Determine that maybe my rationalizations have weight

I might just actually be a waste of space

Accepting this might just be my new faith

But is it fate?

Am I just here to find meaning from blank stares against the window pane?

...

How is that fair?

Maybe there’s no point and I shouldn’t care?

Maybe there is something greater out there

...

A giant whale in the sky

Or some guy in all white

Ready to pass Judgement

Like there is a reason for wrong and right

All I know is that my chest is tight

I’m clenching my fists to keep from crying

...

I can hear my sisters

Calling me

“Calm down princess,

Breathe”

Maybe I should

So I can stop falling apart at the seams

To stop feeling like there’s nothing but lead piercing at my feet

...

I don’t know anymore

But then again I don’t think I ever did

...

So I’ll lay my head down tonight

Try and forget what I said

Choke on bittersweet memories

Shut my eyes and dream of palm trees

...

The air is clean

My soul is free

Here I lay with nothing but my feet at the sea

I don't want to be here but it's the best it can be

...

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