Genuine emptiness (Day 2.5)

After relapsing hard (3 times in a week) at the end of January thinking naively that I could handle just one "controlled" relapse I feel genuinely empty inside, along with anger, confusion, and utter crushing depression. I feel like I have no one that could support me, and I feel like the biggest failure and pushover on the planet.

I 100% would appreciate some support right about now, it feels like my soul is being crushed.