I have a lot of complicated feelings so I think I'm just gonna vent

Where do I even begin. ADHD brain makes this so much worse. So much worse. Especially when executive dysfunction convinces you that putting in the work towards your goals is pointless. You forget it benefits you until you do it. I downloaded a sobriety sidekick app today to help me stay committed today. I've had the porn blocker on for 2 weeks but I just realised that I'm the only one that knows I'm going through this. Because of traumatic experiences, I feel too ashamed to talk about this with anyone I know and take accountability for what I've done. I don't think it's gotten to a point where I've impacted somebody else (I hope not) but I'm trying to take responsibility for being self destructive. Sometimes I feel stupid for calling it an addiction because no one talks about porn addiction like it's a real and harmful thing. The only person I've thought of telling is my therapist. I don't know if I need to talk to my therapist about this and I don't even know if I want to. I'm scared of how they'll react. I'm also paranoid that I won't be able to succeed by myself. I'm struggling to understand how it got this bad in the first place. I feel like I need to be distributing the blame accurately for some odd reason. It all started when I was exposed to porn at a young age while I was researching. In order to make sure I never watch it again, my step-father shamed me in a way that borders sexual assault. I don't know how sexual trauma is linked to sexual addictions but I'm happy to hear your opinions. I just feel such a sense of shame that I'm here in the first place. Like when there's any women wearing short clothing around me I feel like a pervert and I just want to shrink.