How we Create Yoruba Demons

First off, big ups to my mom and all single moms in 9ja making it happen in anyway, and anyhow. You all are the truest survivors, seriously.

Mine did the best she could with what she had. Multiple businesses, she’s lost and won many battles. She was a woman in many male-dominated industries, so she had to fight for everything. She sold fruits, gold, and petrol from the same shop in Ojota, lol (Pretty sure this is a health code violation). Single mom in 90s Nigeria? That’s hardcore. My dad was just useless. He was a famous man of God that had like three wives on the low. Story for another day

She still managed to raise me in a middle-class neighborhood in Ojota. Went to school with all the fancy kids, Corona and Atlantic Hall, Caleb (is it still fancy? Lol).

But here's the rub and the pepper. All that Naija middle-class living couldn't replace emotional support. Just like many Naija parents, providing food, shelter, and education—essentials, sure die! (and I am grateful even though I didn’t ask to be born lol)—but the emotional warmth, validation, and security I craved as a kid just wasn’t there. Like I said, she did the best she could, but we were never truly close. I was raised by house-helps that came and went and many, many lesson teachers (after-school tutors). She would try to connect but never really put in the work. Like I said, she didn’t know better. OH BTW i am an only child, so i had no one to connect with on a day to day.

Now, as an adult that JAPA-ed when I was 18 to the states 15 years ago, via Covenant University, I’m emotionally stunted. Making friends? Brutal. Finding a community? Next to impossible. Criticism? Feels like a personal attack. Might as well fight me, lol. Connecting with people? Wahala. I push people away when they get too close, and depression’s a familiar visitor. I was a serial dater in my 20s because dating apps back then made sex without intimacy easy (I know, it’s terrible). In my 30s now and I am dating the most incredible woman, but scars and neglect from my childhood still affect our relationship. I tend to isolate, shut down and become avoidant when things get difficult.

Here's the point, (because this story don Dey long lol) Reddit Naija. Hold your kids close. Give constructive criticism, not just negativity. Don't tear them down, build them up! Validate their feelings. Nurture their self-esteem. Show them love that doesn't require perfection from them. Remember their friends. Be vulnerable with them. This way, you raise well-rounded humans, not "Retired Yoruba demons" like yours truly. The terrible reputation some Nigerian men face didn't happen in a vacuum. We come from a culture of suppressing emotions and neglecting feelings. Now we have men that are emotionally unavailable or just use and abuse women up-and-down. Anyhow sha... My therapist told me to be more vulnerable lol... I hope this resonates with someone... and if you're in the DMV and you didn't vote for Trump (this part is very important) PM me, let's connect.