First day back at work was a disaster

I’m 4 months pp. I love my baby more than anything I’ve ever loved, I would die for her. But I am at a loss to how anything else can be done except care for her. It was my first day back at work today, I work from home as a paralegal.y mom was supposed to be available to babysit for me during work hours, but she forgot about us and made plans to go out. So I attempted working while caring for my girl. It was an absolute shit show. The crying, the pooping, the feeding, just demanding of attention, even while she played independently for short bursts I felt so stressed, my dogs were barking, I had to fit pumping in. I didn’t eat, I wasn’t able to go to the bathroom. I know I could let her cry while I insisted on doing those things but my home office is in my step fathers house (we live in separate houses on the same property) and I didn’t feel right leaving the office with her crying for me. Work itself was stressful bc all sorts of things got screwed up while I was on maternity leave. I’m sleep deprived, I feel disgusting, I’m so so tired. I barely just got the hang of being a mom, and now I’m supposed to work again too. And this is one of two jobs I’m expected to return to, the other later this month. I don’t want to do this. I want to just raise my daughter. But I do want to do this. I want part of my identity back and obviously money for my family and I. But I’m sitting here at the end of the day, just feeling like my heads going to explode. I’m scared. I’m overwhelmed. I’m so tired.