How I Change My Beliefs/Programming: Recent Example (LONG ASS write-up/video link)
Hey yo! Here's another writeup of one of the most viewed videos on my channel. I hope it clarifies something for someone!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wpi4uJBptRs
Hey everyone,
One of the questions I get asked the most—both on Reddit and here on YouTube—is: "How do you change your beliefs?" I thought I’d share an example from my own life.
This approach has worked really well for me since I fully accepted that my entire reality is created by my beliefs and that those beliefs are simply things I’ve chosen to accept as truth over the years (often during childhood). Once I internalized that idea, it became really easy to identify beliefs that no longer serve and change them.
Here’s how I approach it:
- When something in my life causes me distress, I assume it’s tied to an incorrect belief.
- I identify the belief causing the distress.
- I ask myself why that belief is wrong or no longer appropriate for my life now.
It’s been a straightforward process in many areas, but some beliefs are more deeply ingrained. For me, the biggest, most layered issue has been around body image and weight. This has been a lifelong struggle but it’s also given me a million opportunities to peel back the layers of the onion and gain something from every belief I identified and annihilated.
For most of my adult life, I either felt overweight, or actually was. I got up to 195 lb at one point and stayed there for 10 years. A few years ago, I lost a significant amount of weight, dropping to 115. Since then, I’ve fluctuated between 115 and 130 (lockdowns did not help this!!)
This fluctuation brought up a lot of unresolved emotions and beliefs for me. It’s as if life kept presenting me with opportunities to address and heal the deeper layers of this issue. One of the most significant shifts happened after I met my significant other (Matt)
Matt helped me confront a belief I’d been carrying for years: "Am I good enough physically for someone to love me?" His love and acceptance of me, exactly as I am, shattered that belief forever. That realization was a huge relief.
As I continued to work through my body image issues, I uncovered another layer: my weight and physical appearance had become tied to a sense of superiority.
In the U.S., especially for women in my age range, being at a healthy weight isn't the norm anymore - it's freaking anomaly. I realized that part of my distress around fluctuations in my weight came from an ego-driven need to stand out and that I was artificially inflating my sense of self by getting to feel like I was more in control/more accomplished than all the other people dealing with a stressful life and eating as a coping mechanism... (or just being lazy)
When I identified this, I immediately asked myself: "Why do I feel the need to be better than other people? Where did this come from?"
For me, tracing a belief back to its root often happens quickly. My mind naturally zeros in on the moment where the belief was formed.
In this case, the answer came immediately. When I was 27, I was in a toxic relationship that I eventually escaped by moving back in with my mom—a situation I found humiliating at the time. I was already struggling with my weight, having gained 40 pounds early in that relationship, and living at home only amplified my feelings of failure.
My stepsister, who was also living with my mom, made things worse. We clashed constantly, and by Christmas, we hated each other. One day, she made a cutting remark about my weight to my sister-in-law, who relayed it to me. I remember feeling blinding rage and thinking, "That’s it. I’m going to get richer and better-looking than everyone in this family—especially her."
That thought became a driving force in my life. Over the next 15 years, I achieved financial success and completely transformed my body. In many ways, I accomplished exactly what I set out to do. But as I’ve grown and evolved, I’ve realized that this mentality doesn’t serve me anymore.
Unpacking this belief that my worth is tied to being better than others was like stepping out of a prison cell. I saw how it was operating in the background, and causing me way more stress than a sense of accomplishment.
By understanding where the belief came from and recognizing that it no longer fits who I am, I was able to see it for the stupid thing it is/was and drop it. Within a short time the feelings associated with that were just gone. (Update in 2025 - that has never returned!)
Here’s what I’ve learned:
Every belief stems from somewhere. Childhood or formative experiences often plant the seeds of our beliefs and it can be something small or ridiculous (from your current adult perspective) and still be in there wreaking havoc, and all you have to do is find it and shine light on it for it to dissolve!
Releasing old beliefs is incredibly freeing. When you identify and let go of a belief that’s no longer appropriate, massive shifts can happen overnight. Truly your life could feel completely different in a few days if you uncover and change something you didn't know was operating you.
For me, this process always comes back to understanding where a belief came from, why it’s no longer relevant, and consciously deciding to let it go. It’s not ALWAYS instant, but it always works.
If you’re struggling with a belief that’s causing distress, try this process. Ask yourself where it came from. Reflect on whether it still fits who you are and where you’re going. Reflect on who the source was - is this someone whose opinion you even care about anymore? Would you take this person's advice? Now that you're older - can you see this experience for what it was, almost certainly different from how you experienced it then?