Looking for help understanding how to break out of the negative cycle of persisting and then wavering.

Hey everyone. Like many of you, I’m on a specific person journey and I could really use some genuine advice and help from any of you who have successfully gotten your specific person back. I see no reason to rehash the old story but the circumstances were not great let’s put it that way.

I’m very familiar with and understand Neville. I’ve read and understand most of his books pre-promise. I’ve read pretty much every single post on the main sub and the SP sub.

So… what have I been doing the last month and a half? Nothing great. I’m in a CONSTANT cycle of living in the end for two days, then not believing in the law, thinking I have false hope, and wavering, sometimes even stupidly reaching out to SP. I do SATS (not as I go to bed, but at night time). I get into an intensely deep meditative state, and focus on feeling my scenes real. I also do affirmations, but I have trouble feeling from them. I fully understand that techniques don’t manifest, it’s our state. The problem is that sometimes, even when I do SATS, even if I felt it intensely real in my imagination, I’ll get a sense of lack coming right back in an hour later. The doubts creep in, start replaying the old story etc…. I do try to mental diet, and I can flip my negative thoughts all day, but those negative thoughts signal that I have not really changed my state to the person who has SP. in addition, flipping negative thoughts doesn’t necessarily feel natural or real.

I’m not from a spiritual upbringing, and I think a lot of this stems from lack of faith in the law and in addition, lack of faith in the laws ability to actually manifest SP back giving the amount of negativity I see surrounding this on the sub. Don’t even get me started on how bad I spiraled when I accidentally found the NGCritics sub. The doubts creep In like “well once I assumed this why didn’t that manifest”. Or “maybe I’m not doing it right”. “What if all these people’s success stories are coincidences”.

I’m looking for practical, applicable advice from those of you who dealt with similar doubts but were able to overcome them and ultimately get SP back. Thanks you guys for taking the time to read and help!