Law of assumption does not teach toxic positivity
I have often read Neville stating that the key is controlling of your mood, that the man who has control of their mood controls their fate. For a some time I misunderstood this as a denial or refusal of feelings, in many ways I was creating a mini-battlefield in my own mind.
Your emotional reactions to an event is a wonderful gift, even when it doesn't feel like it. Those reactions give you a great insight into the state you are currently in and give you the opportunity to learn how to decide what you do with a thought or an emotion.
You see, we don't choose our thoughts, we don't even choose the feelings that come up with them and while it is very true that our emotional reactions can give us insight to our current state I also have found that even when I am feeling my absolute best, I can still have unwanted and misaligned thoughts (and the feelings that come with them) pop up into my mind.
We get to decide what we do with them. We have the power of choice over where we dwell, for how long, and what we do with the energy.
You assign the meaning of everything in your life. Your perception is truly your superpower.
In the first chapter of Feeling is the Secret Neville writes:
The conscious impresses the subconscious, while the subconscious expresses all that is impressed upon it.
The subconscious does not originate ideas, but accepts as true those which the conscious mind feels to be true and, in a way known only to itself, objectifies the accepted ideas.
Therefore, through his power to imagine and feel and his freedom to choose the idea he will entertain, man has control over creation. Control of the subconscious is accomplished through control of your ideas and feelings.
While we do not choose our ideas, thoughts, and feelings, we do have the choice to entertain them or to dwell in them. Sometimes easier said than done, I know.
Begin to use emotional regulation tools paired with Neville's teachings to align yourself back to the dwelling place of your ideal self, the ones aligned to your wish fulfilled.
This isn't a denial or attempt to force unfeel what you feel, or a denial of the reality of the world - which, while the world is changeable no doubt and not what it appears to be, we still experience it and therefore I never deny it being real. Real is so subjective in this case.
You may need to play around to see what works best for you but below are the things I have used and have worked well for me:
- Breathing: when a heavy and overwhelming emotion/feeling came up I trained myself to use a calming breathing method. It is one big breath in through my nose, hold for 1 second, take another quick breath in (it will feel like there is NO space left), hold for 1-3 and slowly release through your mouth.
- Asking questions: I have really leaned into being very curious with myself about my thoughts and really question my perception of events. I will ask if I believe the thought. Is it aligned to how I want to feel. Is there something else going on. Could my perception of the event be different.
- A quick note on perception and behaviors - your perception is reflective of your state and it is unique to you. You and I could both read a post and take away completely different things because of our perception. Different parts would stand out to us, the tone of the writing may be completely different, our feelings and reactions could vary greatly depending on the state we are in. The same with the behaviors you have, your state will drive your behaviors.
- I would even say this is how I use revision, a change in perception and what I accept as truth. I am struggling to explain it but I don't deny what I don't want, I shift my perception to what I do want. And I always ask myself to see other possibilities, the more you allow possibility the more your mind will start to expand to see more opportunity in your life.
- Physical movement: Exactly what it says, I will go for a walk, do jumping jacks, etc. Walking outside for 10 minutes is a fantastic way to redirect your mind.
- Seek the silver lining: This one took me a while, I read about it first in Sean Webb's book Mind Hacking Happiness and he says to look for the good in a situation. I will be the first to admit this is sometimes harder to do depending on the event but it has really helped me. And one of the repeated silver linings I return to is that whatever feeling I have right now is a key insight into the state I am currently in, it allows me to question my beliefs.
Here is what I do hopefully clearly stated: I decide what I want and what that looks like for me. I ask myself how I want to feel when I go to bed tonight and then ask myself during the day if my current behavior is aligned to how I want to feel. If I have big feelings come up, I use the tools above to shift my mind back to my desired state. It isn't about denying what I don't want but instead calming myself and making a choice of where to direct my thoughts.
From Feeling is the Secret:
THERE IS a great difference between resisting evil and renouncing it. When you resist evil, you give it your attention; you continue to make it real. When you renounce evil, you take your attention from it and give your attention to what you want.
The more I have done this, the easier it has become. I still watch my thoughts and where I dwell, but it is not as much of a struggle.
Nothing I have read from Neville, or any other teacher I have read, states to fall into toxic positive. And that means to try to force deny what is happening around you. I believe this misguided teaching is why some feel worse about life after starting these practices. You are learning how to redirect your thoughts, feelings, and reactions away from your current state behaviors to the behaviors and reactions of a new state.
I will close with another piece from Feeling is the Secret on this same note:
Therefore, the man who does not control his feeling may easily impress the subconscious with undesirable states. By control of feeling is not meant restraint or suppression of your feeling, but rather the disciplining of self to imagine and entertain only such feeling as contributes to your happiness.