Fights dirty then acts like nothing happened

I’ve been with my wife 6 years married for 2. My wife is a master manipulator to a level I never even imagined. I try my best to do all of the things she demands. A big one that I just can’t do is be kind and “adore” her after she rips my head off and shits Down my neck. She cannot seem to grasp the idea that if you are nasty and terrible to someone as important as your husband, over something as inconsequential as the dishwasher machine, he is probably not going to be capable of showering you with love and kindness. This is the number one problem in our relationship and she either cannot understand or does not want to understand the concept.

My wife will pick a fight with me Thursday night and threaten divorce and full custody in a one sided blowup that I stay calm in, and then Friday will pick another fight with me because I didn’t show her enough affection and ask how her week was and tell her how proud I was and adore her enough and on and on and on. The truth is, I can’t be a happy, loving, kind, over the top joyful person if she treats me like absolute shit and says the worst shit to me no longer than 24 hours ago. I am not programmed that way and I am stuck with a terrible human who makes me feel like I’m the broken one for that.

Most days I wake up happy and try to approach it as a new day and then I am berated and beaten down usually before I even get to work at 9am. Then the rest of the day I’m questioning how the fuck I got here and where do I go from here, and there’s no healthy headspace left for me to be my best version to the person who beat me down to that point first thing in the morning. But shame on me because there’s no room for people like us to be in a bad mood when there’s narcs like them who the world needs to live for and bend over backwards for.